Saturday, May 17, 2014

Weakened state

Fair warning, I'm gonna whine for a second.
 I know I'm
Supposed to take it easy and heal myself, but today it is really hitting me how much I hate to just lie around and do nothing.
 I know it's what my body needs, but I'm not happy about it. I just am so weak I can barely function. This is what it's come down to, and im a lil irritated.
Cancer is very inconvenient.
Part of me was thrilled at first, lounging on the couch catching up on all the Breaking Bad episodes that my son says I need to watch.
 I never watch t.v. So it was a treat, but I'm over it.
I hate being on the inside looking out at blue skies and a garden that needs tending.
A lawn that has to be mowed, and a life that needs to be lived.
I missed a party tonight, and a church function that some random stranger invited me to.
 A woman I don't know came up to me in the grocery store and hugged me after seeing my bald head, and wanting to know my story.  She was bald too. But hers was by choice.
She told me Jesus had a miracle for me and that I should come to her church.
Random things like his happen to me, and I find them amazing, especially since 
I don't even go to church. I guess this is what happens when you are open to the world, and like people.
 I'm not happy that I'm  missing her event, but I'm gonna try again tomorrow. 
Because that's all you can do, is try again for tomorrow, and from the way she looked at me and held me tight, I'm thinking I probably shouldn't miss tomorrow morning's church function.
So for today, I will whine and gripe a little bit,  At least I cleaned my slipcovers and trimmed some lilacs, this house smells amazing, and tank has someone to spoon.
That is a good thing...,and I guess I'll take it. :)

Xoxo












15 comments:

  1. I love your energy, I am sorry that you are weak, but remember this will all be over and you will have a second chance to do things different and see life anew. I think this was Gods way of telling us, hey, you guys aren't living, so I am going to scare you and give you another chance to appreciate life and get it right!!! Luv u Cousin!!! xo Roberta

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  2. i always receive your blog posts by mail and i follow your story; i feel so sad to see how the illness is getting at you; but get at it back!!!
    for my husband and me there are some overwhelming difficult times since he got a stroke. only yesterday i blogged about it and perhaps it inspires you to do not much more to let a drop of paint 'blob' and work out the crankiness......
    even if you are not religious i will pray for you!

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    1. my blog is : http://www.scrapitch.over-blog.com the page is mainly in English although i comment in french as to force myself to get better in french...but i make mistakes....never mind.....

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  3. Even while treating this terrible disease you are inspiring, creative and impacting the lives of people around the world! I marvel at your strength and accomplishments. Sending you happy healing thoughts for a very speedy recovery. xoxox

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  4. Taking it easy sounds nice until you are forced to do it! I hope tomorrow is better and the day after that even better. :)

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  5. I don't know quite what to say. I know how debilitating cancer can be. My maternal aunt died from it in 1985 and my mother in 1995. Then I lost my brother in 2005. Those decades can really scare you when they go like that and another one is coming up..... I have 3 chronic illnesses that leave me with no energy and a lot of pain. Now something new has popped up since September. My body can not control my electrolytes. I have ended up in ICU 3 times because one of them has plummeted. Two weeks ago it was my potassium. I was fine one minute the next I could hardly walk. I called my husband and he rushed home got me to the emergency room, and they got me a bed. within 10 minutes I was seizuring. I don't remember anything after that. My husband says that 10 people converged upon the room because my heart was seizuring also. From his eyes it was a frightening scene which took over an hour of working of all 10 of them before they moved me up to ICU. We don't know what is causing the leaching of my electrolytes. This has added to my fatigue until now I am asleep more than I am awake. I try to get a couple of things done a day, but the house is getting ahead of me. All I can do is look. I will be thinking of you as I sit or lie down from now on and I will be sending up prayers for you. I do know how frustrating it can be.

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  6. Here's the thing, whine if it helps. Surround yourself with love. Girlfriend prayer warriors. It's lovely you have makeup on that's an effort pat yourself on the back. I'm here cheering you on. I have found during periods of pruning there are eventually blooms and fruit. Let your mind wonder to creative endeavors especially when fatigue is overwhelming. When your body betrays, make like water and find a way. Xxxooo

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  7. Hello Catherine- I'm an Ann Arbor Art Fair junkie. LOVE the fairy doors all over town. Discovered you via internet while researching the Fairy Doors. Follow your blog and instagram. Just a note to let you know I'm thinking of you and praying for you. Love your beautiful soul!!
    Julie

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  8. ... I LOVE YOUR Darling House! Just was waiting for You .. you know. Church is Good Honey, if your up to it. As I tell my Adult Children .. just make sure it is not one of those live chicken eating churches ;-.) Be kind To Yourself. Remember (like you don't) with this Bas**rd Cancer comes a tsunami of depression. Especially a Sensitive soul like yours. As you .. me too type A running faster than the speed of light to stay ahead of all that shyte I simply don't want to deal with now! AND you thrive in a clean and orderly nest. On top of that You are kicking Ass 24/7 ... mentally and physically! I remember the doc told me that dealing with chemo is like walking up continuous steep stairs for 7 weeks straight without sleep or stopping! The concoction you are taking is so wicked. It is also all that "IS" to kill that bastard cancer .. just hate it. With that happy statement you are (saying it again) almost finito! You will be stunned how quick you will be back to that high energy Girl again! I truly PROMISE YOU that! Hope I did not rattle on to much Honey. You have every right to whine (as you call it) I think you have been amazingly .. stunningly Beautiful in dealing with this major challenge in your Precious Life. All of this painful lesson Dearest Catherine is not in vain ... We did light up to "only" 39 candles for you today after Mass Sweet Girl for your Happy Birthday .. :-.) ! Devotional Masses for you, 7am Mass every single day for an entire week. As of course Honey .. You and Your Beautiful Bambinos are in my Heart and an Prayers always. Sorry for how long this is ... XOXO Anette <3

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  9. You are strong and will get through this, my Father had cancer I know your struggle. I have always enjoyed your blog...such inspiring art, beautiful creative children and adorable pets. I'm praying for you and when your desert journey is over you will be even stronger.

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  10. Praying for you Catherine--for your speedy recovery and strength to return. It's ok to whine! You are going through an incredibly difficult time. Even when you are "whining"; you are inspiring. Your house is beautiful; the lilacs are medicine for your soul. Take care of yourself; let your body rest and heal. As you said, do what you can each day and try again tomorrow.

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  11. Lots & lots of prayers for you... She believed she could so she did....!!

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