Monday, June 27, 2016

Living like I do not give a F*ck

It's been over a year and a half since I last wrote about anything here.
truth is,  I was so overwhelmed with sadness that I just couldn't.  I  needed  time to process all sorts of things.  my cancer, dealing with family issues, my son, my divorce being finalized,  being dumped by a man I had been seeing for a long time, and learning to be alone.  I didn't want to write about anything for fear of being absolutely 100% negative, So  I just kept quiet. for a loooooong time because half the time I couldn't even stand myself. 
  I immersed myself in my Art and  set out to make new friends, and have new experiences.
I got a part time job at a local restaurant, learned to bake, moved into a new apartment in a great neighborhood, joined the best bowling league ever, and re-opened my shop.
I started teaching classes again, and started having fun again.
If I could have made a living being social, well, I would've  been a millionaire by now.
It was a long period of growth for me, and I feel so much better for having been thru it all.
even the crappy stuff.
I feel like I am finally at a point where I am OK.
Emphasis on OK.
 to be honest, cancer just messes with your head, and you're never really ok, you just start to come to an understanding and realize what's important, and what's not. There's been a ton of articles lately  about how to not give a F*ck about anything at a certain age, and that really kicks into gear when you've been thru that crap let me tell you. 
I am ready to have new adventures and see where my life is going to take me.
it's kind of exciting.
(and scary sometimes too)
I wish I could tell you all that happened in that time,  and perhaps someday I will,  (It would probably make a really nice soap opera)
but for now I will just share some photos........I always take a ton of those. :)

First off,  my son.  
My heart has never hurt more or had more worry when it comes to this child. 
I have been thru some of the worst times in my life with this kid, and been witness to horrible things...but for now I believe he is FINALLY on the other side and is making positive changes in himself.
   He decided to move out to Colorado which was honestly the best decision ever.
he is doing very well,  has a job, his own apt. and is happy.
and that makes ME happy.  I couldn't be more proud of how he has turned his life around....

I reopened my shop in the spring of last year.....

And moved into an adorable apt. in an old home in the Waterhill neighborhood.
its filled with lots of windows and light

I designed a skateboard for a local skateshop

Got progressive lenses hehe...

did a lot of kayaking.......

and laughing

Dog hugging----

Put a kitchen into my shop and started baking for customers on the weekends and special orders


Made a million fairy doors.

Improved my bowling game 

Won awards ;)

Watched my daughter grow up right before my eyes.....

Got my first tattoo,

I also Turned 50!
And a year later got a second one for my 51st with my son in Denver,

All in all, I did a ton. 
I cried a lot, I laughed a lot, I made a bunch of stuff
Since my last post.
From now on, goddess willing,  I am hoping to continue on with more adventures, 
More travel, meet more people and live MORE. 
I don't want to be held bAck by sadness anymore. 
Or fear.
That's a hard thing to get past, but I'm working on it, day by day.
I had to have some tests done yesterday----- a biopsy to check for more cancer because I had some issues over the weekend......
I got the call today that it was fine, no evidence of cancer, so deep breath in and a 
big giant thank you to the universe once again.
 I've had so much shit go down in my life in the past two years I think I've just started to think in terms of "what next??!!!"
But for now, 
I've got a whole lot of living left to do, 
And I'm gonna get back to sharing it all with you.
Thanks so much for being here.