Monday, June 27, 2016

Living like I do not give a F*ck



It's been over a year and a half since I last wrote about anything here.
truth is,  I was so overwhelmed with sadness that I just couldn't.  I  needed  time to process all sorts of things.  my cancer, dealing with family issues, my son, my divorce being finalized,  being dumped by a man I had been seeing for a long time, and learning to be alone.  I didn't want to write about anything for fear of being absolutely 100% negative, So  I just kept quiet. for a loooooong time because half the time I couldn't even stand myself. 
  I immersed myself in my Art and  set out to make new friends, and have new experiences.
I got a part time job at a local restaurant, learned to bake, moved into a new apartment in a great neighborhood, joined the best bowling league ever, and re-opened my shop.
I started teaching classes again, and started having fun again.
If I could have made a living being social, well, I would've  been a millionaire by now.
It was a long period of growth for me, and I feel so much better for having been thru it all.
even the crappy stuff.
I feel like I am finally at a point where I am OK.
Emphasis on OK.
 to be honest, cancer just messes with your head, and you're never really ok, you just start to come to an understanding and realize what's important, and what's not. There's been a ton of articles lately  about how to not give a F*ck about anything at a certain age, and that really kicks into gear when you've been thru that crap let me tell you. 
So 
I am ready to have new adventures and see where my life is going to take me.
it's kind of exciting.
(and scary sometimes too)
I wish I could tell you all that happened in that time,  and perhaps someday I will,  (It would probably make a really nice soap opera)
but for now I will just share some photos........I always take a ton of those. :)

First off,  my son.  
My heart has never hurt more or had more worry when it comes to this child. 
I have been thru some of the worst times in my life with this kid, and been witness to horrible things...but for now I believe he is FINALLY on the other side and is making positive changes in himself.
   He decided to move out to Colorado which was honestly the best decision ever.
he is doing very well,  has a job, his own apt. and is happy.
and that makes ME happy.  I couldn't be more proud of how he has turned his life around....


I reopened my shop in the spring of last year.....








And moved into an adorable apt. in an old home in the Waterhill neighborhood.
its filled with lots of windows and light















I designed a skateboard for a local skateshop


Got progressive lenses hehe...









did a lot of kayaking.......




and laughing


Dog hugging----













Put a kitchen into my shop and started baking for customers on the weekends and special orders



Partied....



Made a million fairy doors.





Improved my bowling game 


Won awards ;)


Watched my daughter grow up right before my eyes.....


And 
Got my first tattoo,

I also Turned 50!
And a year later got a second one for my 51st with my son in Denver,

All in all, I did a ton. 
I cried a lot, I laughed a lot, I made a bunch of stuff
Since my last post.
From now on, goddess willing,  I am hoping to continue on with more adventures, 
More travel, meet more people and live MORE. 
I don't want to be held bAck by sadness anymore. 
Or fear.
That's a hard thing to get past, but I'm working on it, day by day.
I had to have some tests done yesterday----- a biopsy to check for more cancer because I had some issues over the weekend......
I got the call today that it was fine, no evidence of cancer, so deep breath in and a 
big giant thank you to the universe once again.
 I've had so much shit go down in my life in the past two years I think I've just started to think in terms of "what next??!!!"
But for now, 
I've got a whole lot of living left to do, 
And I'm gonna get back to sharing it all with you.
Thanks so much for being here.
Truly.

❤️❤️❤️
 























 

48 comments:

  1. Oh! My gosh!! You are truly a BADASS. I have been in awe of your art and style for years. I don't know, but I just want to send you ALL THE HUGS. Thank you for sharing your heart and life with us. You've inspired me to get off my ass and live better today! ❤️❤️❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks my friend.❤️
      Have a beautiful day
      ⭕️❌

      Delete
  2. Days from my 49th birthday...husband of 27 years left me this year...my sweet son is headed to college this month...feeling like a failure... Feeling all sorts of negative...and I read your remarkable post this morning. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!! You are simply cool and amazing!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Please don't think that about yourself!
    Those are hard things to deal with, and can understandably make you sad.
    But do something for yourself today!
    Immerse yourself in creativity!
    It will help.
    You will get past this and become stronger.
    I promise
    ❌⭕️

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are an inspiration to me and countless others. I needed to read this today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda, you're great! I hope things are going well for you too, let's get together soon and catch up, been way too long! Keep being your awesome self
      Xoxo

      Delete
  5. thanks Cathy... It is so important to share this Out loud and personal for others to see and read and take in at a visceral level. It certainly reminds me of how strong we can be as women, how tender we can be, how loving, and facing our fears we can be. You have courage, and you face your fears in away that makes me wanna just jump up and down and do a happy dance. You are gifted, and kind. You are generous and compassionate. You are your Best Self unfolding. love to you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jeanne,
      What a beautiful note. Thank you so much.
      Your comments mean the world to me and I appreciate them more than you know.
      Thank you
      Thank you
      ❤️

      Delete
  6. thanks for always being such an inspiration!!! you look so cute... i am infinitely happy that you are healthy. and here's to not giving a fuck!!!! xoxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw jenn,
      You're the best.
      I love and miss you and am so excited about the prospect of an art retreat.
      Cannot WAIT to catch up and hear all about what's going on with you.
      Love you tons
      ❤️❤️❤️

      Delete
  7. I am so glad that things are going well. You deserve all the happiness that's coming your way. I miss seeing your sweet face!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Eve,
      I miss seeing your face too!
      I hope all is well with you guys and Phillip is doing ok too!
      Much love
      ❤️❌⭕️

      Delete
  8. Im glad you got some happy back and just faced life and kept on looking for the bright side. Reading your words today...you go girl! xo

    ReplyDelete
  9. Glad you are back and well. I stopped blogging when I got sick, so I understand the time away. I do have tons to thank the universe for as well.
    Your art is amazing, your home is beautiful and your pups are so juicy. Your daughter is a beauty. I love your glasses!

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  10. I don't know you personally, but all this time I've waited for this post. And this one is the best post ever! Almost made me cry and encourages me not to waste my life on doing something I hate or don't like, or doing it for people whom I don't like.
    Thank you very much!
    I wish you all the best!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Btw, I would like to promise to myself to be as strong as you are!

      Delete
    2. What she said! Have missed your posts and glad to hear you're doing better. Hugs!

      Delete
  11. So glad that things are turning around. I love how you've charted a new path and done different things and kept changing to find what worked for you. I've always loved your art, so glad that it is there for you. You are awesome. ONE DAY I wanna come up there and see your shop and eat a cookie!

    ReplyDelete
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  13. Loved reading your post today, a lurker for many years I have always admired and enjoyed seeing your art work. Wow, talk about a bum load of crap you've had to deal with. But lady, you are amazing to come out smiling at the other end, even if there have been tears and tantrums along the way. Your post was just what I needed as I was feeling sorry for myself today and now I've given myself a firm talking to. Keep on growing Mrs and keep on creating for you bring all sorts of happy to this world. Here's to not giving a fuck! I am right there along side of you. xx

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  14. Namaste. Joy Joy Joy. Fear is a liar. I have been waiting faithfully for your return. Thank you so much for coming back and updating us.
    Little e

    ReplyDelete
  15. I have followed your blog and checked every week for a new post and wondered how you were. I too have a son that has struggled and felt pain and worry that I thought I would never recover from. I felt like my life was on hold an have just now starting creating and making things again so sell in a local flea market booth. I know I have never met you, but your post have definitely hit a cord with me. I'm happy you are well and your son is doing great. I want you to know you reach people that you may never know about. Honestly , you made my day !

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  18. Oh I am so glad I waited for another post. I would check in every few months and when there was no update I would hope and pray you were OK. Thanks for sharing and all the best.....love your work, always have XOXO Nancy, Ottawa ON Canada

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  20. I am so glad to find you here again! I cheer you on from across Lake MI. AND, I have a dear friend who recently relocated to A2; I will make sure she finds the shop and your classes as she also builds herself a new life. xoxo

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  21. Catherine,
    You speak my language. I am glad you survived. Am counting the days until our women artists come together to create. Cannot. Be. Soon. Enough.
    Karen

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  23. I've followed your blog for years--love your art and you are an inspiration. I'm so glad that you are feeling better; you've been through so much. Keep creating and your positive attitude! Best wishes and sending positive thoughts.

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