I've been numb.
I've always been a pretty honest and open person when it comes to my life, choosing to reveal parts of myself to the world because there was some comfort in sharing. It was cathartic, and felt good to commiserate knowing there were other people out there feeling the same way, or having some of the same experiences.
But lately I haven't been able to do that because life became very complicated. I was living with secrets.
deep dark secrets that made me go silent, trusting no one.
I have been to some of the darkest places in my life this past year and was unable to speak about anything for a very long time.
but I'm tired of hiding in the shadows, and tired of the secrets.
I'm tired of feeling guilt. I want to let that all go in this new year.
and i'm working on it, slowly but surely.
So in order to heal myself I have been immersing myself in my work and staying extraordinarily busy to keep my mind from losing my shit, because you see my son had some serious problems this year with addictions that nearly consumed me, and him.
Being a teenager in this day and age is hard, very hard. and for a sensitive creative child, that can sometimes be devastating. He is now in a safe place healing and getting the help he needs. he wont be home until April, and I miss him. I can barely write this because of the tears and heartache, taking comfort only in knowing that he is safe for now and that there is a long and scary road ahead of us for the rest of our lives, and also knowing that I have no control over this. not one bit.
So I immerse myself in work.
I have been painting and renovating spaces, helping shop owners revamp their spaces, or close their long time businesses.
creating handmade pillows for people that lost loved ones out of sweaters that belonged to mothers, and helping people see their homes in a new light.
Each and every thing helped me through my saddest days, because I really do believe that Art saves lives, and I also believe in telling my story it may help someone else.
so slowly but surely I will share things, but it will take me some time to find my voice again.
I hope you'll be patient with me.
but for now I will share it in pictures of the past year and what i've been up to,
happy belated new year to all.